It will be one year this weekend since I hit my goal weight with Weight Watchers and almost three years since it all started. I cannot believe how much has happened over the past few years. I created a video to capture my last few years of this amazing journey.
My last year in review – I have been feeling bad that some of my blogs have been negative or confusing, one minute I am blogging that “I got this” and the next one I am blogging about confusion but it’s because that is how my last year has went for me, that has been my life. It’s been a fucking roller coaster! If someone said, “go off and lose 200lbs, you will never be more confused” I wouldn’t have believed them but it’s true. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no regrets obviously, but transitioning from obesity to healthy and fit has come with some emotional struggles. I went from being able to control everything in my life while I was in losing mode to having to adapt and change as my life did, seems easy? Not for me, but I am learning to let go of some of this and take it one day at a time.
I think a transformation like I have done usually starts with someone starting to deal with whatever made them over eat in the first place. I didn’t do this before I started; I was simply just desperate and knew I had to do something before it was too late. I think that is what has made this year so difficult, this year has been a challenge for many reasons but one of them has been processing how I used to deal with issues or how I didn’t do right by myself because I didn’t have the confidence to. I can’t live with regret, and I don’t, but it has taken a great deal of reflection to say goodbye to some of those demons and embrace life today and be so grateful for all the love and support I am surrounded by.
I am slowly learning that for my mental health I need to try to only focus on the scale once a week. I have went back and forth on this topic all year long, and blogged about it, sorry 🙂 but I have come to the conclusion that I can only check in once a week and I need to trust that I have equipped myself with the tools and lifestyle to maintain my weight.
Maintain, you say? Yes, I know I am 10lbs heavier than my goal weight and I hope to address that over time but to be honest, I love my body and it took a great deal of reflection to try and let go of the 174lbs for now and embrace the 180’s. At the end of the day, I think I look healthy and I feel amazing, so why would I go down the spiral of worrying about the 10lbs gained while off recovering from my surgery. As some of you know I am back on Weight Watchers online, being true to what really worked for me, when I switched over I changed my goal weight from 174lbs to 180lbs because I recognized that I am happy at the weight for now at least. When I first hit goal weight, I struggled because I didn’t have a goal to work towards after 2 years for living “goal focused” I felt lost. Now my goal should be and eventually will be to get rid of those 10lbs but to be honest, meh, maybe one day. It just doesn’t seem like it’s something I need to focus on at this point, now that being said, I still count points, I am always pushing myself to incorporate a bit more for fitness but that 10lbs is not owning me anymore because I LOVE me! I realize and always am reminding myself of the risks and I will not allow myself to slowly gain more weight. The only reason my weight is higher is from being off on my surgery, which was the best thing I have ever done for myself, so NO regrets.
My surgery and recovering from my surgery ended up being, although freaking fantastic results, a super challenging time for me. First I had to accept that I couldn’t do any activity and specifically core stuff for 8 weeks. Then I struggled with worrying about the potential weight gain, for my sanity I had to realize I couldn’t worry about it and that I could deal with anything once was running. I still tracked but there were a lot of events happening in my life in those two months, which resulted in the gain. C’est la vie
Going forward – My next year will be full of running, biking and yoga. I have several races happening in the spring, including 2 half marathons. I will be participating in Tough Mudder in Whistler again this year after missing last year due to my surgery. If all goes well and my body doesn’t hate me, I still plan to run my first full marathon in October at the Victoria Goodlife; we will see how my body holds out for me.
Thanks for everyone that follows my blog and sticking with me through this year of confusion, clarity and rewards. Life is great!