Well that is a wrap, I think I just got home from my last Tough Mudder. I knew going in this was likely going to be my last, but you just never know once you get out there if you can handle walking away and not sign up for another one… But I think that is a wrap for me…for now anyway. This is always a super fun weekend and LOVE Whistler, but nothing has felt as empowering as the first one I did but I am getting to the point in my life where I just want to avoid injuries.
I need to shift my focus now onto my running and fitness level in general. I have just started training for my first full marathon and I happen to be in the worst shape I have been in for a long time, so it’s time to buckle down. By buckle down I mean, make some short-term sacrifices for long-term goals. My long-term goal is to get my weight back down to where I am happiest and find a way to maintain it as well as increasing my overall health and fitness. I have mentioned in previous blogs how much easier it was to do the work to be healthy versus living feeling like shit all the time because you aren’t living a healthy lifestyle. The past few months, I have been a complete headcase when it comes to my fitness and health. I don’t know if it the distractions; home renovations and homework for my schooling but whatever it was, I recognize I have to take back control. I had to be a complete control freak to lose all my weight 4 years ago, and clearly, I need to be that control freak forever, because not having control isn’t working.
I knew it was bad when I woke up Monday morning and felt depressed – – like really dark depressed. I haven’t felt that shitty about myself for many years and It scared me how fast I was able to even consider this rabbit hole of “giving up”. This broke my heart. I have worked really hard to get here and I know I have come miles from the person I used to be but that doesn’t mean I quit. To think about quitting running would be the easy way out, just because something is hard right now, doesn’t mean I still don’t need and want it for my mental health and to remain driven from goals. There comes a point when it’s not even about the number on the scale. It’s about how I feel when I look in the mirror or try on my clothes. It’s shitty and it’s dark, and this girl is all being happy and bright… So, this week is about battling back and having fresh starts. I just need a few solid weeks of healthy living under my belt and nothing will be able to stop me.