As my last blog for 2018 I can’t help but reflect back on my year. It’s been probably my most turbulent year since I started focusing on my health. I have said before that losing 200lbs was the easy part, it’s learning to live in my new current reality, that has been by far the toughest obstacle to over come.
It’s a no brainer for me – Be Coached!!
2018 started out with me binge eating over Christmas, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I would literally feel sick from being so full but was I still cramming the food in, I was depressed, frustrated, and confused. By March, I had gained about 30lbs and I hated myself. So I signed back up for Coaching and requested to have my old coach Corey back, I clearly needed his help and couldn’t manage myself on my own. Well, its safe to say I wasn’t the same person Corey had coached in 2017. I was a mess, and it took me several months and some serious self reflection before things started to shift for me. Corey was amazing and patient, I think he and I both knew I had some internal processing and learning to do before I was going to really be on the right track. I think when I lost my original weight and even when I first got coached by Corey, I wasn’t being honest with my internal turmoil with food. I was only dealing with the exterior shell, but what was really needed was a deep dive into my self respect, my values, understanding the science behind why food is screaming at me to consume it, my emotional relationship with food, the implications of good and bad habits, and letting go of my fears and anxiety around hunger.
I know I would not be where I am today if I didn’t have Corey coaching me along the way; sending me resources to read, books to read and podcasts to listen to. As someone that does do some coaching myself (in a different context) I am so impressed at his ability to read people, his timing and his ability to know what I am going to need to “hear” soon is cra-cra… and it has literally changed the way I view food. Not too long ago, those resources helped me realize that I was not in a healthy mindset with food and dieting, I found comfort in a cut and the idea of maintenance freaked the shit out of me, and I lived in a world that I would be “cutting” forever -seriously – I had lost context with how I should want to live once I achieve my goals. The last time I tried maintenance I failed big time. Once I recognized this, we decided that testing the waters on maintenance would be a good idea to see how I manage it over the holidays and while I still have him to help me navigate it. For the last week and this week I am on maintenance, and it has been insanely easy and I even lost weight during the first week (over Christmas) even though I am allowed to eat more food. What changed? I have learned probably one of most important things… to just eat when I am hungry. Not because it’s noon, or because there are snacks out, but just when I am hungry. It has been a game changer for me. I no longer fear hunger, it’s the tool I use to know when it may be time to eat. Probably sounds like the silliest thing to someone that does’t have a shitty relationship with food, but for me, it has created a calm over me that I can’t even explain entirely.
I feel very fortunate that I can have coach, I feel very fortunate that I have Corey as a coach and I know that, although I proved I can lose weight on my own, I was only scratching the surface. It is because of the coaching that my mindset and relationship with food has been forever changed.
So, yeah – 2018 KICKED ASS!!!