I’m Standing in the Ashes of Who I Used To Be

If you are looking for me I will be walking around aimlessly with a smirk on my face. Most of you probably haven’t seen or heard much from in the past little while.

This week marks the end of what feels like a very long learning journey. At the age of 49 years old, I will soon cross the stage with a Master of Interdisciplinary Studies. For many people in my life, having an MA is pretty common, but this something that for most that have known me for a lifetime, knows its not something most of us could have ever predicted for me. Growing up in small isolated logging camps, sometimes going to two-classroom schools, and then commuting to a highschool in a different town and living in dormitories for the first part of my high school years, let’s just say I wasn’t scholarly in the slightest. But as life would happen, I found myself working in higher education and here I am now. Given my K-12 experience, the only reason I am sitting here reflecting on successfully completing my MA is 100% because of my weight loss transformation. When I lost my weight I found confidence in myself that I had never had. During my studies I had to battle my inner critic (a lot), especially in this last course, it seemed too good to be true that I could actually do this. But, I didn’t do this alone. I did with many other unicorns that I started my learning with who supported me along the way, cheering me on, and I also did this with my family as they made many sacrifices to accommodate the commitment it takes to do this. Many of my friends have had to take a back seat as I was stretched for time and my fitness had to be scaled back a lot to make this all work.

I tried to have the structures in place to keep health and fitness still at the forefront, on some level, it was a success but not completely. I was supported by my amazing Froach – Corey Robb from Macros Inc. Although I am no longer being coached by Corey, I will continue to use the tools he taught me and his awesome training programs I have acquired over the years.

But the reality is I have some work to do. I no longer use a scale to measure my body weight, I rely on the mirror and my clothes, and they are all screaming at me. LOL… But I am not panicking. This is a lifetime commitment, last year was full so much stress, so much stress and I can’t even share most of it with you. I can say that my mental health was not ideal in 2019, especially towards the end of the year.

But what I know is I look and feel a hella lot better than I did at 378lbs but not as good as I feel when I am sitting at around 174-8lbs. But so what, now I can focus on the systems and get those habits, tools, and re-introduce all the fitness I love and have missed. Soon enough the mirror, my clothes, and my mind will be telling me how awesome I am doing again. At the same time, it’s about balance, so learning to also do nothing sometimes is something I need to work on being comfortable with.

Today I focus on my overall system, tracking my intake, working in upping my output, and sit back and enjoy life.

Yah! I FUCKING did it!!!

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